Consequences of Clubbing
by Myx Nyx
Summary: Sara goes out to unwind and finds herself more wound up than ever. Sara POV. A bit OOC, but who cares, right? Love is love
1. Chapter 1

Myck's Nyx;

**Disclaimer: Don't own them. I just don't. I've learned to accept it, so should you. This disclaimer goes for the whole fic.**

**A/N: Hey, all. Just so you know, this isn't interfering with my Journey of a Lifetime writing. It's just a repost of stuff I've already written. Hope you enjoy!**

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God, had that been stupid. To lose control while interrogating a witness- and in front of Grissom, no less! But that guy was being such an ass, cocky, like he didn't even care that the wife he had beaten into a coma was now dead. I could have killed him. But before I had had the chance, Grissom had dragged me out into the hall and started berating me like I was a twelve year-old.

And I was so angry, but I was also upset and it didn't take long for the panic to send me to the floor, hyperventilating against the wall. I wasn't crying until Gil told me to take the rest of the week off. I pleaded with him- I needed to work, but he just shrugged and said that I needed to clear my head. I sobbed, my knees tucked under my chin, for ten minutes. Then I picked myself up, headed to the locker room and then out to the parking lot.

For the rest of the night I sat on my couch drinking beer and watching infomercials for the latest useless invention. I passed out around eight o'clock in the morning and somehow slept until four in the afternoon. How had the happened? I slept for eight hours? I couldn't remember doing that since I came to Las Vegas.

I woke up on the couch, drowning in a sea of beer bottles. I never get hangovers, but looking around at the eight or ten glass bottles I thought that I should at least have a buzz in my head or something.

Picking up the bottles, I walked to the kitchen and threw them in the recycling. Just as I was about to open the fridge and see if there was anything in it except beer and an empty water purifier, the phone rang. I picked it up immediately, hoping it was Grissom telling me to come back to work.

"Hello?"

It was Grissom, but that wasn't what he was calling to tell me. "Sara? It's Grissom."

"Hey." I tried not to sound too dejected.

"I was just calling to tell you that it looks like its going to be a quiet night, so you should go ahead and stay home."

"Oh. Okay." There was a silence. "What about tomorrow?"

I could hear him sigh on the other end. God, it was so patronizing, I wanted to reach through the line and strangle him with the phone cord, "Let's just play it by ear, okay Sara?"

"Whatever." I could feel the anger start to build in my chest, I knew I should hang up before I said something that could get me in a lot of trouble.

Apparently Gil was thinking the same thing because he cleared his throat and said, "I'll call you tomorrow, Sara."

"Don't bother."

As I hung up the phone I could hear him say, "Sara don't-"

But I didn't hear the rest.

I sat down on a stool next to the kitchen counter with my arms crossed over my chest. God! Insufferable. So I lost control for one second.

Even as I started to build my argument I knew I was being stupid. It wasn't the first time I had lost control with a case like this. Men like that made my blood boil.

Just as I was thinking that it was almost happy hour, my phone rang again. If it was Grissom, I was going to hang up, "Yeah?"

"Sara? Its Sage!"

"Oh, hey." Sage was the first person outside of CSI that I met when I came to Las Vegas. We had had a thing for about a day before I tried to push her away. For some reason, she didn't go and though there certainly wasn't any attraction on either of our parts, she had stayed my friend, someone I hung out with pretty regularly.

"What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing. Just pissed at the world."

"Oh. Well, are you working tonight? I know you sometimes get Saturdays off."

I looked at my watch, "Christ, is it Saturday already?"

"Yeah. I was wondering if you wanted to head out to Gipsy with me? We haven't been clubbing in a while- I thought it might be fun."

"Sure."

"Really?" Even though clubbing had been my scene for the first couple of years after I moved, lately I hadn't exactly been in the mood, Sage always had to ask a few times before I would agree.

But tonight I would like nothing better than tons of alcohol, loud music, and shameless dancing to make me forget the last couple of weeks. "Yeah, why not? What time you want to head over?"

"Wow. Okay. That was easy. Why don't I pick you up around 10:30? That way we can get there around 11:00?"

"Can we take my Tahoe? It's a little more, you know, impressive than your Civic."

Sage could always tell what was on my mind. "Oh, so its one of those nights. Well, yeah we can take your gas-guzzling butchmobile if you really want, but later you're going to tell me what's got your leather in a twist."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said in mock appall.

"Sex isn't the answer to everything, you know."

"Look who's talking! You think fucking cures the common cold!"

"Yes, sex when you are level headed and not using someone else's body instead of psychologist's couch."

"Fuck you!" The words were harsh, but my tone was humorous.

"Alright, well, its obvious that some woman will be incredibly satisfied tonight- just pick one that will be able to forgive both of you in the morning?"

"Okay, A) I always do- I can spot the inexperienced ones a mile away. B) You don't know that I'll be doing anything but dancing and drinking."

"Sara."

"What?"

"You haven't agreed to go clubbing in over three months, and all of a sudden you're in a crappy mood and you would rather take your black truck and you agree to go, no convincing needed."

"So?"

"So…nothing, never mind. I'll meet you at your apartment at 10:30."

"'Kay."

I looked at my watch; almost 5:00. I never take long to get ready, so I figured that I had about three hours to hang around. I looked in the fridge; nothing. So I ordered Chinese and looked through my email while I waited.

Over dinner I watched the news and then I cleaned up, putting the rest of my Buddhist Delight in the fridge but pouring the egg drop soup down the sink. I went downstairs to put in a load of laundry and on the way back upstairs I grabbed my mail. I had a new Forensics magazine which I read until it was time to switch the laundry over, then I used the next hour to work out, first doing some weights and stretching and then pulling my standing punching bag out of the closet, practiced my kickboxing.

Afterwards I folded the laundry and brought it upstairs. It was 8:30. I was sweating from the workout and I hopped in the shower. After drying off, I went to my closet to decide what to wear. Black leather pants- the only thing to wear, really, but what about a top?

I decided on a lime green shimmering top. It's backless with a halter tie and two string ties across the back. Not something I would ever wear to work. Laying them out on the bed, I went to dry my hair. I ran a little gel through it. No make up and no jewelry. Despite what I had said to Sage, I knew that both, just like the underwear I wasn't sliding on with my pants, would only slow down the inevitable.

It was 10:00 when I was dressed so I grabbed another beer from the fridge and turned on some quiet music. It never hurt to be a little greased before you got to Gipsy, it was your typical club; the faster you got drunk, the faster you could let yourself lose control.

I lay down on the couch and started to think about the day before. Just as I was getting worked up over Grissom dragging me out of the interrogation room, I heard the buzzer by the door. The clock above the TV said 10:13. I got up and spoke into the receiver,

"Sage?"

"Yeah, sorry I'm early, traffic's crap. I thought we should get a move on."

"Right. Hang on, I'll be down in two minutes."

"Sure."

I looked around for my purse. I grabbed a few twenties and a fifty and unzipped my back pocket to slide them in. Sitting on the edge of the sofa, I pulled on my favorite black boots. They had three inch heels and big silver zippers. They made me just about six feet tall.

Shutting off the light and locking the door behind me, I headed downstairs to meet Sage.

Sage looked phenomenal in a tiny blue and green dress with a peacock feather pattern. Her wavy blonde-brown hair was pulled back with shining blue clips but cascaded down her back.

"Hey gorgeous," she said to me teasingly, "You clean up good."

"Not to bad yourself," I replied, smiling. Unlike me, Sage was glittering with make-up.

"Ready?"

"Yeah, my cars in the carport." I gestured to the other side of the building.

We walked, our heels clicking loudly against the wet pavement. It must have rained at some point, but I couldn't remember when that might have been.

On the road we talked about Sage's most recently failed relationship; some woman named Renee who was married and straight. It was the kind of thing Sage did. She was a research assistant at a college and she also tutored some of the professor's kids. I had the feeling she had also fucked the mothers of all her students. But in the end, they were never going to leave their husbands or their lives.

Deep down, I thought Sage might really want it that way; no attachments, no guilt. But every time, she complained about a broken heart. Oh, well. We all had our quirks.

When we were almost there, Sage finally remembered to ask me what was bothering me so much on the phone earlier. I didn't feel like explaining about the case and my hate for domestic violence, so I just said,

"I lost control on a case and my boss told me to cool down, and take a couple of days off."

"Maybe he's right." Sage interjected when we stopped at a red light just across from the club.

"No, he's not. I need to work, not sit around my apartment feeling sorry myself."

"Really? Is that what we're doing? 'Cause I thought we were about to have a wild time."

I smiled as we pulled up in front of the club.

I waved at the security guard on duty, a guy called Jerry, as we pulled in. There were two ways to be V.I.P. at Gipsy. You could either pay a lot of money, or you could be friends with everyone who worked there.

Getting out of the car I tossed my keys at Alison, the valet. She smiled at me and said, "Sara, I was beginning to think you were never coming back! What happened?"

"Just takin' a break, Al. I'll see you later!" I took Sage's arm as we walked toward the main entrance.

There was quite a long line to one side, but we walked straight up. Ahead of us I watched two women slip cash to Dale, the bouncer, and get in. One was of little interest- tall, but fairly ordinary. But the strawberry blonde woman whose ass she was playfully groping was something else altogether; a gold corset top with black ribbon and cream lace over a black micro mini skirt that really didn't leave much to the imagination.

Damn. I could only see her back, but already my mouth was watering. I wondered if she was actually with that woman or if the hand on her ass was like Sage's arm around my waist; only there until we got inside.

"Yo! It's my favorite badass!" Dale pulled me into a monster hug and the woman slipped out of my thoughts.

"Hey, Dale!" I tried to breathe but his grip was crushing me.

"How you been, suga'?"

"You know, same old, same old."

"Good, good. And how's the little suga'?" He smiled down at Sage who barely managed 5'4 and was wearing just about the tallest heels anyone could walk in and live to tell the tale.

"Great. Say, what's the chance you let us in ahead of these people?"

He looked at us sideways and we both pouted our lips as I produced a twenty from my pocket. "Please?"

He grinned, "Well, as long as you ask so sweet."

There was a loud groan from the people in line as Dale kissed the top of my head and said, "Good to see you back, Sara, suga. I was beginning to worry 'bout you."

I waved as we walked through the doors and began to feel the music vibrating in the soles of my shoes and then my stomach.

"The bar?" I yelled to Sage.

She nodded and, taking my hand, led the way the up the stairs to the crowded bar.

The bartender was also a friend of mine, one of the owners, a sexy Puerto Rican woman in her forties by the name of Flo. She waved at me and headed over as we took the last two available seats.

"Sara!" she yelled. "We haven't seen you around, what's up?"

"You know I work nights, Flo."

"Yeah, so we should get to see you on your nights off- that's once a week!"

"I've been busy."

"Not as busy as you're gonna be tonight, eh?" She raised an eyebrow at my leather pants.

I smirked at her but I didn't answer.

"So, what'll it be?"

"I'll have a margarita." Sage said.

Flo nodded and looked at me.

"Gimme a Denmark Orgasm and a beer- anything in a bottle."

The Puerto Rican nodded and headed off to get our drinks.

I turned to look over the railing to the dance floor below. I didn't see the redhead anywhere. Then I turned to the right and saw her, her back turned, talking to Flo on the other end of the bar- the somewhat butch woman she came in with now had an arm around her waist as she surveyed the crowd. The redhead said something to Flo that made her toss her head back and grab her sides in laughter. I raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

When Flo returned with our drinks I asked, "Whose the woman in gold down on the other end?" I took a big gulp of beer.

Flo shrugged, "I don't know her name. She comes in about once a month, different days. She's a real charmer, funny too."

"Yeah? Is she with that woman she came in with?"

"I don't know. Sometimes they come together, sometimes she comes alone. I've danced with her though, and fuck is she hot. If it weren't for that hair and eyes I would say she's a Latina through and through- her ass definitely comes from south of the border."

I laughed and finished off the beer.

"I'm serious," she said, "It is not natural for a white girl to move that good. You should ask her to dance, it's an experience you don't forget."

"Yeah?" I downed the Denmark Orgasm, "That good, huh?"

"I'm telling you, it's the kind of material you save for later, if you know what I mean."

"Really, well, I think I'll need another one of these," I tapped the glass of the Denmark, "before I ask something that hot to dance."

"Don't sell yourself short, mami, I've seen you move and I see you now. You're just as sexy."

"Ha." I looked at the ass on the redhead and just shook my head, "Thanks, Flo, but we both know I'd never win that contest."

Flo frowned like she was going to protest but instead she went to help some other customers and get my second Denmark.

"She's right, you know."

"What?"

Sage looked at me, "I said, she's right. You could easily get that woman. And I've danced with you and watched you dance, you're hot, you know it. You're just over thinking. Let your Sara instincts take over."

I nodded, "I still need one more drink, though."

Sage raised an eyebrow at me.

"For courage." I smiled.

At that moment a girl in her early twenties with pink braids and a lip ring came over and asked Sage to dance. As she was being pulled down the stairs, Sage winked at me and yelled, "Ask her! And find me before you go!"

I just nodded to her and turned back to the bar to gulp my second Denmark Orgasm. I was just getting up the nerve to ask the mysterious redhead for a dance when I looked up to see that she had disappeared. Mildly disappointed, I drank up the rest of my drink. Just as I put the glass down a woman in a black dress with a shaved head asked me to dance. I nodded and put a twenty under my glass for Flo.

We headed down the stairs and onto the crowded floor. The woman was a fairly good dancer and we had a good time, even if there was no vibe between us. After three songs she thanked me with a peck on the cheek and said she had to get going. As I was heading off the floor I got pulled into the arms of a very tall woman in all leather who I danced with for one song, but then decided to get away from- she seemed just a little too dominating for my taste. Instead, I decided to go back to the bar where Flo greeted me with a smile.

"Another Denmark?" She asked.

I shook my head, "Let's mix it up, shall we? How about a Mexican Fuck?"

"Coming right up!"

As I was waiting for the drink, a vacant seat beside me was suddenly filled by a young woman, a girl maybe- she couldn't have been more than twenty-five. She had shaggy black hair, a black bra under a fishnet crop top and tight red pants. Her eyebrow was pierced, and she sported an armband tattoo. Her makeup was dark.

"Hey." She smirked at me with big green eyes.

I knew the look and I knew what came next, I shot her a long slow blink; yes, definitely interested. "Hey, yourself."

Flo placed my drink in front of me, watching the interaction in front of her with a knowing smile.

The girl reached out and traced a finger over my hand, wrist, and then arm. She bit her lip in a sexy smile when she said, "I'm Nina."

I smiled and raised an eyebrow; oh yeah, I was definitely getting laid tonight. "Sara." I played with the rim of my glass expressively.

"Wanna…" Nina raised her eyebrows meaningfully, "dance, Sara?" she finished.

"Uh-huh."

"Then let's go." Nina stood and held out her hand.

I threw back the rest of my drink and slammed the glass down on the bar; this is what I had been looking for. I took her hand, but rather than let her lead, I moved ahead of her to take her down the stairs.

I heard Flo yell out, "See you next week, Sara!" and laugh.

I held out a hand to wave behind me as Nina and I slipped out of sight.

We danced a fast song together, working up a sweat. Towards the end I pulled her hips to mine and she began to nuzzle my neck.

_Yes, God, this is exactly what I was looking for; a loose little girl without a care in the world…._

I closed my eyes as I began rocking against her, my face in her hair. I kept one hand firmly on her ass, the other at the base of her neck, encouraging her to stay. Her hands at my waste began creeping up my sides; wow, this little girl didn't seem to care if anyone saw her. As the song died down and one with a slower tempo took its place, she whispered into my ear, "Turn around."

I did as she asked, my hands moving backward to keep her hips against mine. I opened my eyes again to look out across the dance floor. Right in front of me and about ten feet away was the mysterious red head, her back to me again. She was dancing with a tall exotic looking black woman positively draped in gold down to the glittering gold painted across her lips and eyelids and the gold collar around her neck. Her shimmering skirts and Arabian top made the perfect background to watch the redhead move. God, she was an amazing dancer.

I was so involved in watching her that I didn't notice for a minute that the girl I was dancing with, Nina, had moved her hands further south. Not inside my pants, they probably wouldn't have fit, the leather was so tight to my sweating skin, but she was not too subtly grabbing my inner thighs and crotch. Now, normally, this would have been a step too far on a public dance floor for me, but I was so turned on by the performance that was happening in front of me that all I could do was moan and arch back into this girl, urging her to move forward. My arms up over my head I pulled her neck to me as I spread my thighs and pushed back against her pelvic bone.

Taking this as a sign to go ahead, the girl began to curl her fingers into me in earnest. I jumped as, even through my pants, she managed to put pressure on just the right spot.

The girl thoroughly distracted, I devoted as much attention as I could to the amazing sight before me. The way this woman moved her hips and her torso was unnatural, the way her wrists could spin in the air above her head was incredible. She looked like some new and improved form of Mata hari. As I was watching her, the girl, who I had at that point completely forgotten the name of, had continued her ministrations, and my hips involuntarily began to buck under me.

Oh, God, this woman was absolutely gorgeous. I realized that several people on the dance floor were looking over the shoulders of their partners, and even the golden woman dancing with this goddess had stopped to watch her. Christ, I would kill to be able to dance like that. _Or with that, _I found myself thinking. God, I would orgasm in about a second if I could stand next to her.

Speaking of orgasm, as the woman in front of me moved her ass in ways I had never seen before, the woman behind me was sending jolting vibrations through my entire body. I drew a hand from her neck to push against her hand over my heat. I couldn't help but moan a little under my breath as my body began to quake.

And still I couldn't take my eyes of the redhead dancing. As the song began to end and her undulating changed pace, my jaw dropped in orgasm. I bit my lip and hissed through my teeth as her hands reached up and her back began to arch. Her legs were bringing her lower and lower, her back was arching, her head was tilting backwards. Just as the music ended I shuddered with the last waves of my orgasm.

And about three seconds after that my eyes got really wide as I realized who it was.

"Catherine?" I yelled. In the sudden silence after the music ended, my voice rang out. A few people turned to see who it was.

Catherine, because it really was her I realized, had had her eyes closed, and when she heard her name, she opened them. Seeing me from her upside-down position, her eyes got about as wide as mine, "Sara?" She said my name in utter disbelief before her legs buckled beneath her and she fell to the ground.

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**REVIEWS ARE MUCH APPRECIATED.**


	2. Chapter 2

Myck's Nyx;

**A/N: Here's part two, you wonderful reviewers you! Keep reviewing and I may just give you part three later today!**

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Realizing how I must look with someone else's hand grabbing my crotch, I disentangled myself from the poor girl I had been dancing with and now completely discarded; and after she had just given me one of the best orgasms of my life, too. Or had it been Catherine that had done that? I didn't exactly have time to, or really want to, think about that just then.

I strode over to help Catherine up; her dance partner seemed to have disappeared. I took both of her hands and, stepping on her toes a little to anchor her, I pulled her to her feet in one swift movement. "Catherine," I asked, momentarily concerned enough to throw all of my other questions out the window, "are you alright?"

Catherine looked around, disoriented and wiped at her skirt, "Yeah, I'm fine." She looked at me, her head cocked to one side, "Sara, what are you doing here?"

The music began to play and the floor began to fill up again so I pulled her off to the side. "What am I doing here? What are you doing here?" I had to yell really loudly because we were standing right next to the speakers.

She shook her head to show she couldn't hear and, taking my hand pulled me down a hallway and out a backdoor. It was a little chilly, and it had to be at least one o'clock in the morning. At least it was a lot quieter out here.

"What did you say?"

"I said, 'What am I doing here? What are you doing here?'"

Catherine raised her eyebrows, "I asked first." She crossed her arms in front of her as much to stay warm as to show she was determined.

"Stubborn." I muttered. I thought of the easiest way out, hoping it would be enough, "Grissom told me to take a couple of nights off, relax or something…so." I shrugged noncommittally.

Catherine bit her lip and widened her eyes at me; apparently that explanation was not going to cut it, "Okay, so that explains why you aren't at work, not why you are out at one o'clock in the morning at one of the hottest lesbian nightclubs in Las Vegas!"

I rolled my eyes, "Well, nobody ever even gets here before 10:00." I was obfuscating and we both knew it.

"Sara…"

I held up my hands, surrendering, "Fine, fine. Okay. I am at the number one lesbian nightclub in the city on a Saturday night because, well…" I needed help finding the right words.

"Because, because…because why, Sara?"

I felt my heart start to race, "Because I'm gay, Catherine!" Okay, those weren't exactly the words I was looking for, but it was too late to stop, "Because I'm a lesbian, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? I am lesbian; a big one. I was depressed and a friend said let's go get shit faced and get you laid, and I said, 'sounds good to me!' Jesus, Catherine, give a girl a minute to get her thoughts together before she outs herself to a coworker!"

I brought a hand up to my forehead- my brain was screaming at me in ten different languages right now.

I felt a hand on my arm and I looked up.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stress you out. I was just nervous. It's a bit of a compromising situation, if you know what I mean." She looked genuinely concerned. It was still a shock to see her in that outfit.

"Yeah, I do. It's okay. So, what are you doing here?" I leaned my back up against the outside of the building and Catherine did the same.

"Me?"

"No," I rolled my eyes, "my other female colleague I just saw kicking ass on a dance floor in the middle of, as you said 'the hottest lesbian nightclub in Las Vegas,' at one o'clock in the morning!"

"Oh, umm, nothing much. My friend invited me. Said I would get a kick out of it." She shrugged.

I felt my face flush with anger, "Bullshit, Catherine!"

"What?"

"How can you lie to me after what I just told you?!"

"I'm not lying!" Her voice started to rise as well.

"Catherine!" I yelled in a voice that clearly said, 'reality check!' "Even if the bartender hadn't have told me already that you come here at least once a month, the way you dance tells me this is not your first night dancing with women; hell, it's not even your one hundredth night dancing with women! Tell me I'm wrong!"

Catherine turned a bright scarlet and smiled at the ground. "No, you're not wrong. I'm sorry I tried to lie to you…umm" Her blue eyes looked up at me from beneath cascading wisps of strawberry hair, she bit her lip, "You asked Flo about me?"

Now it was my turn to blush at the concrete, "Well, I didn't exactly know it was you at the time…I saw this strawberry blonde get in ahead of me and then I saw her again at the bar, and then again on the dance floor a few minutes ago-"

Catherine scratched her neck insecurely, "Why didn't you ask her to dance when you were at the bar?"

I smiled, "I was going to, right after I talked to Flo. But when I finished my drink and finally got up the courage, you had disappeared with somebody else. Then I got swept away, dancing with a few girls. When I saw you on the dance floor, I was…" I looked away.

"Shocked? Surprised? Scared out of your mind?"

"After I saw it was you, yeah, all of those. But before? I was…"

"What?"

I looked at her the realization evident on my face, "Mesmerized."

She stared at me for a moment and then she turned pink and paid an amazing amount of attention to her fingernails, "Oh." Her voice was quiet.

We were both quiet for a moment.

"So," I broke the silence, "you were in there for the same reasons I…"

"Basically. I mean. I'm not gay. Well, I'm not completely gay, obviously; I was married. I'm bi, sort of. It's complicated." She faltered. "It's my night off," she breathed, "and like Flo said, I come here every once in a while, sometimes with my friend Becky- you might've recognized her, sort of butch, she's a police officer up in Henderson?"

I nodded, now that I thought about it, she did look familiar- I just didn't recognize her in anything outside of her uniform. Sort of like I couldn't recognize Catherine's ass in a black micro-mini. Suddenly the thought of Becky's hand on Catherine's ass made me feel very uncomfortable. I shivered and pushed the thought out of my mind.

"Are you cold?" Catherine saw me shiver, "Do you want to go back inside?"

I shook my head; the mood was pretty much killed with this new discovery, I didn't really feel like bringing a stranger back to my place after this, "No, I think I'll just head home."

Catherine nodded. "Yeah, me to."

"I just need to find the friend I came in here with. Come in and wait for me? I'll walk you out." I held out my hand.

"Yeah, okay."

Almost shyly, wait a minute, Catherine Willows? Shy? She intertwined her fingers with mine. It felt good, natural, like we'd been holding hands forever. It was not lost on me that she didn't let go all the way through the club and up the stairs and down the hall to the bathrooms. I went straight there because Sage had a bit of a habit of ending up in there at some point during the night. I released Catherine's hand when we got inside the bathrooms.

"Sage?" I called out. It was easier than checking all twelve stalls.

I heard the unmistakable sound of a body being slammed against a stall door, "Sara?"

"Sage, where are you?"

"Handicapped! All the way at the end on the left. Can you see my flag?"

I saw a hand pop up waving what was not a flag but what was very obviously a pair of black panties.

Catherine snorted.

"Yeah, I see, Sage." I headed over and knocked on the door, "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Uh-huh. Hang on." There was a squeak and click and the door opened enough for Sage to stick her head out. "Watcha want? I'm kind of in the middle of someone." Sage giggled loudly.

"Right, I was actually going to take off, do you need a ride?"

Sage's eyes got really big and she made a fish face before ducking back into the stall, "Baby, you wanna ride me home?" Obviously she was very drunk.

"Umm…yes, please?" Two loud giggles came from behind the door.

Sage popped her head back out and said, "I've got a ride, thanks!" She was grinning like a maniac.

She accidentally put too much weight on the stall door and it swung open another few feet to reveal…

"Sara, this is Nina."

A much more scantily clothed Nina than the one I had been dancing with earlier. In the harsh fluorescent lighting she wasn't nearly as pretty as I had thought, she certainly had nothing on Catherine. "Um, hi again."

Nina scowled at me and rightfully so. "Hey."

Sage looked from me to Nina and burst out laughing, "Oh, my God, Sara! Were you the one that let Nina get you off in the middle of the dance floor and then just ditched her? Wow, you are such a bitch!"

I looked nervously back at Catherine who was smirking attractively in the doorway, "Yeah, well, something kind of came up." I turned back to Sage and Nina, "Besides, she seems to have gotten over it pretty fast, that wasn't even an hour ago."

Nina grinned stupidly at me, but my gaze had diverted Sage's attention and she peaked around me to glance at Catherine, "Oh my God, Sara! Is that the sexy dancer woman from the bar earlier?"

"Uhh." I smiled at Catherine apologetically, "Yeah, it is."

"Wow, nice going." Sage was being entirely too loud and I knew she was about to say something really embarrassing. "I mean I know I told you I thought you were hot enough to get her, but you know I was just being a pal. She's way too hot for you!" Something like that. "But seriously, nice going- I expect details in the morning!"

"It's a bit more complicated than that, Sage."

"Uh-huh, whatever."

"Look, if you've got a ride, why don't I just leave you two alone? I'll talk to you later."

As I grabbed Catherine's arm to usher her out quickly I heard Nina yell out, "That's the chick she was drooling over while I had my hands down her pants."

I blanched. I was so mortified. I looked at Catherine. She stared at me. I knew I had to do something, but all I could think to do was yell back, "Your hands were _not_ down my pants!" I cradled my head in my hands, "Jesus Christ!" I walked right past Catherine, determined to get as much space between us as humanly possible.

About ten million thoughts were running through my head. Every thought from, 'Oh my God, I can never look her in the eye again!' to 'I am going to have move to another state and change professions!' I was in such a rush to get out of there that I never saw her running after me or heard her calling my name until I was all the way out the main entrance, begging Alison to get my Tahoe as fast as she could. I was out of breath from running so fast in heels; I crouched and put my head between my knees. After about thirty seconds I felt a cool hand on my shoulder.

"Jesus, Sara, you can really run. Can't you take pity on a girl in strappy sandals?" Catherine was just as out of breath as I was.

I stood up, but I didn't respond.

When it was clear I didn't intend to say anything Catherine came back with, "Sara, look, it's really not such a big deal."

"Save it, Catherine." I pushed her hand off my shoulder. "That was possibly the most humiliating experience of my entire life."

"It doesn't have to be."

"Uh, yeah. It kind of does." I tried to look into the darkness to find my black SUV.

Instead of backing off like she was supposed to, like everyone else would at this point in the conversation, she took both of my hands in hers and made me look into her eyes, her flawlessly clear blue eyes, "Would it make you feel better if I told you I had ideas of doing the same thing when I saw you dancing earlier tonight?" She smiled mischievously at me.

I couldn't help but smile at the sky. "Yeah, that would help. If it had any chance in hell of being true, that would help a lot."

"What?" Catherine looked at me as if I were crazy. "It's totally true."

I just looked at her.

"I'm serious, Sara. Becky and I were sitting at a table on the upper level and watching the dancers. We were playing this game we play and she picked this little pixie of a girl with spiky bleached hair, and…and I picked you."

"What do you mean, you picked me?"

Catherine blushed for the umpteenth time that night. "We play this game where every time we come we pick someone off the dance floor that we'd like to take up to one of the private VIP rooms and…"

"And?" I could sort of tell where this was going, but I liked making her blush, she was so cute with bright pink cheeks.

"And ravish, okay? Have our dirty way with."

"And you picked me?" My voice was a squeak.

"I mean, I didn't know it was you, I was thirty feet above you, but yeah I picked you."

"Oh." I dropped my hands to my sides.

I didn't know exactly what to say to that. For some reason I suddenly had the urge to ask if she still would have picked me if she had known it was me, Sara Sidle. But of course I didn't; I already knew what the answer to that would be.

And if you had asked me an hour ago I could have honestly said that I didn't give a flying fuck if Catherine Willows, CSI thought I was sexy or attractive or even nice, but right now? Did it hurt me to know that in my heart of hearts this beautiful, intelligent, funny Catherine Willows, woman extraordinaire would never ever be attracted to me? Yeah kind of a little bit, kind of a lot actually. I couldn't figure out what had just happened.

"So," Catherine said hesitantly, playing absentmindedly with the pinky and ring fingers on my left hand, "are we okay?"

I could see Alison finally arriving with my car. "Uhh…"

"'Cause, I'm okay if you're okay- I really don't want you feeling weird about the dancing thing on top of everything else. I think we've both had a surprising enough night without that added tension."

I made the decision to be okay with it right then, I pulled Catherine's right hand into my left. One part of my brain was yelling, "Oh my God, you are touching the sexiest woman in the world!" while another part was wondering when exactly Catherine Willows had become that woman for me. "Yeah, Catherine, I'm okay. It has been a weird night, but I think that we're fine."

I covered her hand with both of mine and squeezed for a minute while I smiled at her like an idiot. Granted, she was smiling back, but I'm sure she was just being polite. As soon as I realized what I was doing though, I dropped her hand. At that moment, Alison hopped out of the car to bring me my keys. I distractedly handed her a twenty, not really caring that I usually only gave her a five. I was too busy staring at Catherine in amazement to notice.

"Well, I guess I'll see you at work. Apparently I won't be at work tomorrow night, but I'm sure I'll be back on Monday shift." Not really sure if I was supposed to hug her or…shaking her hand definitely didn't seem right, I decided on a small wave before heading around to the other side of the Tahoe.

"Actually, Sara?"

I popped my head around the side, "Yeah?"

"Becky was my ride and she left ages ago with the spiky blonde-haired girl, so could you maybe give me a lift home?"

Half dreading a car ride in close proximity with Catherine, and half ecstatic that I didn't have to give her up just yet, I smiled and said, "Hop in!"

The ride was quiet except for Catherine's directions. I concentrated on driving, hoping I wasn't too drunk to be behind the wheel. Catherine just stared out the window, her elbow on the sill, her fingers brushing back and forth over her lips.

When I pulled up in front of a white single level house, there was an odd silence.

"Thanks for the ride."

"No problem."

"Uh…I don't want this to come out the wrong way, but you won't tell anyone at work about this, right? I mean, you know how much I love the boys. This just isn't something I'm ready to tell them."

I held up my fingers in a scout's honor type gesture, "I won't tell if you won't."

"Of course not."

"Then your secret's safe with me."

"Great, thanks." There was a pause before she said, "Well, it was an interesting night."

"Yeah."

"But I had fun."

"Me too." I smiled at her.

"Good." She went to undo her seatbelt, but it jammed.

I reached out to help her and suddenly found myself much closer to Catherine Willows than I had intended to be. I froze. "Uhh…" Jesus, were her eyes blue.

Without warning she leaned in and kissed me warmly on the cheek. I was a statue.

"Goodnight, Sara." Her voice was low.

"'Night." I squeaked.

She opened the door and got out. "I'll see you on Monday, then?"

"Mhm."

"Good."

She slammed the door and started walking up the path.

I just sat there, staring straight ahead.

At some point, she must have turned around and come back because a second later she was knocking on the window again. I rolled it down,

"Forget something?"

"Uhh…" she nervously chewed a piece of hair between her lips. "That kiss?"

"Kiss?" I was totally out of it.

"The one I just gave you."

"On the cheek?"

"Yeah, it didn't mean anything."

"Course not."

"Just a combination of weird night and lots of alcohol."

"Exactly what I was thinking." Was not! Was not, was not, was not!

"Good."

"Good."

"Goodnight, then."

"Goodnight, Catherine."

She waved from the doorstep and then went inside. That was my cue to put my car into gear, put on the gas, and head for home.

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**Well? The more reviews, the faster I update. That's just how it works in this cruel, cruel world.**


	3. Chapter 3

Myck's Nyx;

**A/N: You guys were so good about reviewing that (as promised) here's that next update!**

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I passed out as soon as I got through the door and onto my bed. I didn't even take my boots off.

All day Sunday, through the means of sleep, exercise, and grocery shopping, I somewhat successfully avoided thinking about what had happened the night before. That night, however, when I was awake only to maintain my schedule and not doing anything but walking back and forth from the fridge to the couch, the events of the previous evening began to seep into my thoughts.

First came the images of Catherine, at the door, at the bar, on the floor. Next there was the expression on her face as she saw me across the room and her subsequent fall to the ground. After that all I could remember was the places we touched. My hand on her arm, her shoulder, in her hand. Our fingers interlaced, our forearms grazing as we leaned against the wall, her hip bumping playfully against mine in the parking lot.

Her lips on my cheek. My whole body shuddered as I thought about it. For a few minutes I allowed myself to imagine the warmth of her lips and the lazy smile that crossed them as she drew away from me. But then I was reminded of her words; _didn't mean anything, too much alcohol._ Part of me was relieved that they had been said then and we wouldn't have to go over it again at the lab, but a bigger part of me was stung, though why, I couldn't say.

God, she had been beautiful, though, hadn't she? My mind's fingers ran over her bare shoulders, her lacy waist, and her clinging skirt. Wait a minute, what was I talking about? This was Catherine Willows we're talking about here. Does it even matter that she would never like me back? Of course not, the real question is why I would like her in the first place? Just because I find out that she's a little less than straight and looks cute in a tight skirt?

Cute? Another part of my brain argued. Cute? No, no, no, cute is an eight week old puppy; Catherine was hot. Beyond hot. She was drop-dead gorgeous. She was an all you can eat buffet on the opposite side of the Mojave Desert.

I stayed awake all night staring at the television screen not really seeing anything but flashing colors. I stopped drinking somewhere around three, no longer having the energy to pull myself off the couch. I must have fallen asleep around nine or ten in the morning, the sun had definitely been up and the news was over, some soap was blaring on the screen instead. I awoke to the sound of a phone ringing right next to my head.

"Ah!" I shouted and jumped up in surprise; the phone was about six inches from my ear. I picked it up, blinking sluggishly, "Yah?"

"Sara?" I sat bolt upright at the sound of her voice, suddenly wide-awake.

"Catherine?"

"Yeah, hey, look, I just wanted to talk to you for a sec. before we headed into the lab."

"Lab?" My head was still a little fuzzy.

"Yeah."

"What time is it?" I asked, reaching for my watch on the end table.

"Almost six."

"Shit."

"Do you have something to do? Do you want me to call back? Or…we could talk at work."

"No, it's fine, I'm just surprised that I slept for so long. I must've been really a tired."

"So maybe a break wasn't such a bad idea?"

I stiffened at the implication that I wasn't doing my job right, "What do you want, Catherine?"

"Wow, okay, I guess that was the wrong thing to say. Umm…I just wanted to make sure you were fine. You know, with everything that happened Saturday night." She actually sounded nervous, like she didn't trust me.

I lashed out. "Don't worry about it, Catherine. I'm not going to tell anyone that you're secretly a flaming dyke!"

"Sara!" Even I knew I had gone too far, and I could hear the strangled hurt in her voice. But I was mad. "I…I…" she faltered, I suddenly felt really guilty for making her feel so insecure, "Sara, I…I don't, I mean I'm not, I- I wasn't questioning you- I trust you. I just meant…if you were okay, if we were okay."

The guilt bled into my heart and my anger subsided, I was familiar enough with that tone of voice to know that there was a tightness in her throat- perhaps tears were already making their way quietly down her cheeks,

"I'm sorry, Catherine, I guess I just lost my temper." I rubbed my temple with two fingers, "I'm just stressed." There was a pause. I knew this wasn't enough of an apology, but I didn't know what else to say. "Because of work."

"It's fine." I could hear her sniffle on the other end. "I guess I was pushing you."

"No, you weren't. Christ, Catherine. I really didn't mean to upset you, I shouldn't have said that."

"Look, do you want to maybe grab a coffee before work?"

Startled I said, "What?"

"Coffee, in twenty minutes?"

"Catherine, weren't we just fighting?" I didn't exactly understand what was going on.

"Yeah, we were. But I really don't feel like arguing, this whole thing would be easier face to face."

"Oh." I paused

I must have been quiet for too long because Catherine asked, "Is that a 'no,' then?"

"Huh? Oh, no. I mean yes, coffee sounds great."

"Really?" She actually sounded surprised.

"Yeah, if its okay with you."

"Of course it is, I suggested it. I just didn't really think you'd say yes."

"Well…I did."

"Right."

"So, I think I need more like an hour. I need to shower and it takes me twenty minutes just to get there."

"That's fine. So, an hour then? At the one around from the precinct?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, then."

"Bye."

"Bye, Sara."

I hung up and ran to the shower. Okay, so I had just majorly fucked things up and there hadn't been any chance of us getting together anyway- but I could still look nice, right? Maybe we could still be friends. Maybe.

Forty-five minutes later I was jumping in my truck, cursing myself for being late. I had on black jeans and a tight shimmering lavender button-up shirt with mother of pearl buttons under my black leather jacket. A couple inches of my midriff was showing and I knew it wasn't exactly CSI work attire, but I suddenly had the need to prove that I could be attractive.

I even had on mascara and lip-gloss and I dug up a black cord necklace with a silver seashell charm on it. I hadn't worn it since I had left San Francisco. What the hell was wrong with me? I was getting all dressed up for coffee? With Catherine Willows no less! I must be losing my mind!

I spun into a parking place at top speed. I couldn't tell if I had been speeding to avoid being late or if I had just been so stressed out that I hadn't even noticed how fast I was going. I decided on compromise; I hadn't noticed how fast I was rushing so as not to be late. I walked faster, seeing Catherine's car already in the lot. I thought I could even see her form in the window, but wasn't brave enough to really look.

I pushed open the door; I was so nervous that the bell that clanged against the window as I entered made me jump. _Get a grip, Sara! She invited you here to clear the air, that's all!_ I shook myself and looked around. There she was. She hadn't noticed me come in. Dressed in jeans and a red short-sleeved shirt. She was looking out the window, running her fingers through her hair. Bad eighties love songs started to run through my head as I watched her gracefully sip from her coffee cup.

Oh god, oh god. Ohgodohgodohgod. This was bad; this was very, very bad. Too late to turn back down now though, I steadily made my way down the aisle to her booth in the back. She turned at the sound of my heels on the tile floor. She gave me a small smile, but her gaze was suddenly guarded and I remembered my not-so-subtle _dyke_ comment of only an hour before. God. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I always had to let my temper get to me, didn't I?

"Hey." I said, hesitantly. I sat opposite her in the booth. "Umm…how are you?"

Catherine looked at her coffee cup and played with the lid. I wondered if these pangs of guilt were ever going to end. "Catherine, I really am sorry about what I said on the phone, I don't know what came over me, I…"

"Aren't you going to get any coffee?" she diverted my gaze to the cup in her hands.

"Huh? Oh, yeah."

Feeling a bit like a kicked puppy, but knowing I deserved it, I got up to get in line. Halfway there, however, something took control of my body and I turned around to walk up and stand next to her. I put my fingers in her hair and even though I felt her stiffen at the uninvited contact, I bent to whisper into the top of her head, "I am sorry, Catherine, I really am."

She nodded slightly, but she didn't move.

I ran my fingers through her hair, "I wouldn't," I whispered, "I couldn't," just what was it exactly that I was trying to say?

Luckily, Catherine seemed to know because she reached up and, interlacing my searching fingers with her own, said, "I know. I'm not mad with you, or even sad about what you said, exactly. Its just, well…get your coffee and I'll see if I can explain." She squeezed my hand encouragingly.

I nodded and without thinking about it, kissed her slender fingers before unweaving them from mine. She actually smiled at me as I headed back to the line, but her eyes still seemed sad.

Sitting back down with my steaming coffee, I took a few sips in silence. I wanted to speak but I could tell that Catherine needed to get something off her chest, so I waited. I didn't have to wait long.

"I don't want you thinking that I'm mad at you, Sara," she started, "'cause I'm not. I was hurt by what you said, but I know why you said it and I also know you didn't mean it." She took a deep breath. "I was mostly thrown off, especially since I don't know what to call my attraction to women. I honestly don't know if I'm straight or gay or what." She looked at me calculatingly. "Am I boring you?"

"Not at all. Keep going."

"Well," she shook her head, "No, I guess I'll have to start at the beginning. Me and women. Okay, well, I started…sleeping with women about the same time I started up with guys- middle of high school. At the time, I didn't really worry about it. I was young. I didn't need a reason to do things- I did what I felt like doing, and that was that. For years- until I met Eddie, really, none of my relationships with men or women lasted very long or meant very much."

At the mention of Eddie I stiffened a bit, but Catherine didn't seem to notice, she was finding her coffee cup a particular point of interest. "After I met Eddie, who I was attracted to didn't really seem to matter much. I don't know if I was ever in love with Eddie. When we first got together, I thought I was. But now it seems like maybe it was just infatuation, or maybe I just liked the control I had over him," she laughed nervously, "I could really make him go crazy."

I felt like raising my hand to say 'Uh! Hello? Table for one, please! Could I get the 'Catherine Willows extra spicy' with a side of 'Catherine Willows makes me crazy?' But I didn't, I just let her continue talking. I couldn't really see where this was going, but I could sense that it was important to her to finish.

"After Eddie's first…indiscretion, I got really upset and had a little one of my own. It wasn't really like his, or at least, that's what I tell myself- but really, what is a good reason for cheating? It was revenge, and I had to get really high and a lot of alcohol was consumed before hand. I slept with a girl I worked with. It wasn't anything new to me, but Eddie hadn't known about my…versatile sexuality." Catherine had finished her coffee, or it had gone cold. Either way, she didn't seem to feel guilty when she picked up my cup, drank from it, kept it in her hands and continued on with her story. I just let her, but I secretly really needed that coffee. "But I wasn't about to cheat on him with another lying, two-faced man, so… anyway, I felt amazingly guilty for being unfaithful and I broke down and told Eddie."

"You what?" I just looked at her incredulously.

She smiled, "I know. I learned that lesson the hard way. It wasn't the first time he hit me, but it was the only time he beat me. Not because I had cheated, but because I told him it was with a woman. He couldn't handle it. He kept screaming at me, kicking me, calling me a stupid dyke," we both flinched at the word, her because it brought back memories, and me because I was beginning to realize why she had taken it so hard and not countered with an insult of her own.

"He told me I had to quit dancing, that I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't around all of those 'whores' all day. At first I said 'no,' but then I just wanted him to stop or take me back or something because I finally agreed."

"Catherine…" Catherine looked up and the fury in my eyes went two ways; one half revealed my absolute loathing of Eddie, my clenched teeth clearly revealing that if he weren't already dead, I would have put him in the ground myself. The other part of me was mad at Catherine, for staying with Eddie, for caving to his demands, for feeling guilty enough to tell that son of a bitch about the whole thing in the first place. But I shut up; by the expression on her face, she realized how stupid she had been, she didn't need me to rub it in.

She nodded, "I know, Sara, but you have to understand how fucked up I was back then. I was so high all the time, I was completely hooked on cocaine- I was toying with heroine. All of my and Eddie's money was going towards feeding our addictions, mostly my addiction. I couldn't go six hours without getting the shakes."

Catherine started to constrict, just thinking about it. I put my hand over hers on the coffee table. My heart leapt as she smiled up at me, her blue eyes grateful.

"I was thinking about leaving him, but he had the money, Sara. What I was making dancing was only getting me from one fix to the next, without him, I would have been turning tricks to pay my debts." This time I flinched, the thought of proud, beautiful, life-loving Catherine have to resort to prostitution; I could nearly feel the grimy fingers of willing customers and involuntarily I grabbed her wrist protectively. She just shook her head, "It didn't really matter, two weeks later, I found out I was pregnant with Linds. I ran back to him and he took me with open arms. He was so excited about the baby, he helped me get clean and he eventually got clean himself. At first he thought it was just until the baby came, but I let him know that there was no going back this time. I was going to stay clean and if he wanted anything to do with our baby…" she sighed, we'd been over this part before.

"After that, all of that, I didn't look at another woman for years. Not until Eddie and I split. I found I had a hard time trusting men, a harder time trusting them, and loving women just came flooding back to me. I had a series of not-so-serious lovers and then one serious one. Serious enough to introduce her to Lindsey. Lindsey was fine with it, but…" she drifted off.

"Eddie?" I guessed.

Catherine nodded, "Eddie was not so fine. He came over one night, really drunk out of his mind. He broke down the door, and he slammed into my room. He had seen Kerry, my… I'm not sure if she was my girlfriend, her car out front. He was shouting about how he always knew I was a dyke, he could tell by how I looked at women, that I never looked that way at him, he just went on and on. I freaked out; I was scared what he would do. I knew he would never hurt Lindsey, so I locked Kerry and I in the bathroom just screaming at him to get out, to go home. He said he would, but he was taking Lindsey with him. He said if I didn't 'straighten out,' if I kept seeing women, he was going to get a lawyer and take her from me. I heard her yelling as he grabbed her out of bed and I wanted to run after them but I was so scared."

My hostility toward Eddie for making Catherine feel this way was ever-mounting. I was tempted to dig him up just so I could kill him again. How could he do this to her? How dare he do this to her! All I could do was tighten my grip on her hand, encircle it with both of mine, pushing pressure into her palm with my thumbs. I was relieved when I felt her squeeze my hand in return.

"I was so scared of losing Lindsey that I immediately broke it off with Kerry, which I think was fine by her. I doubt any woman would want to have to face Eddie when he was that angry. There isn't much worth that."

I felt my cheeks reddening to discover Catherine had so little self-worth. I was also very concerned to realize that I would gladly stand between Catherine and that bastard. Somewhere in the back of my mind I realized that I would have done so long before Saturday night. "Catherine, that's ridiculous. If she wasn't willing to fight for you _and_ for Lindsey…then she wasn't worth it. Lots of women would gladly put up with that and a lot more for someone like you."

Catherine blushed when she looked at me and I couldn't help doing the same. "Well, you know what I mean. Anyway, go ahead." I watched her smile broaden, "Sorry, I just got a little carried away."

"It's fine. Umm…there isn't much else to tell. A year later, almost to the day, Eddie died. I didn't look at another woman the whole time. I even half-heartedly tried men again. About three months after Eddie died, Becky asked me to go to Gipsy with her sometimes. I said 'no' at first, but after a while I began to give up a night off a month. It turned out to be just the release I needed. I never took anyone home; I just went to dance, to get lost in the music, to feel wanted and desirable. And then I saw you there." She looked around as if she were coming out of a daze.

"Uh, Catherine? I get why what I said hurt you, and I am very sorry, but how does what you just told me confuse your sexuality? You sound like a straight up case of bisexual to me."

"Yes and no. On one hand, I'm not sure I have ever really been attracted to men, or if they were just part of a social construct for me. I wasn't raised in the most tolerant of settings; maybe I thought I would have a better chance of getting along if I liked men, too. On the other hand, the way my life has gone it took a long time for me to realize I could even pursue something that wasn't purely…physical with a woman, and even now, I'm not one-hundred percent sure that I'd be strong enough." She laughed, "Who knows, maybe I'm just a _very_ misguided a-sexual."

I smirked, "Believe me, you're not." I said it before I could come up with a reason that was plausible and more appropriate than the real one that had just popped into my head.

"What? Why not?" She raised an eyebrow, curiously.

"Just trust me."

"No, seriously," she pinched the tips of my fingers flirtatiously and I just about died, "Tell me."

"You have to promise not to laugh."

"I won't." But there was already a wide grin on her face.

"And you have to realize that it just slipped out and the reasoning behind it is flawed."

"Okay."

"And you-"

"Sara, stop stalling, okay?"

"Okay," I sighed, my face already turning bright pink, "What I was going to say was that anyone who looks as good in the outfit you were wearing on Saturday could not be a-sexual. Not unless it is God's idea of a very sick joke. "

Catherine laughed and I beamed that I could elicit such a sound from such an amazing woman.

"You know, I wouldn't worry about it, Catherine. Who ever you end up with, that's probably the closest you'll ever get to figuring out what you are. I mean, I'm pretty fucking gay, but I wouldn't rule out a relationship with a guy if he was really the right person for me."

She laughed bitterly, "Yeah, if I end up with someone and don't end up miserable and alone."

I was going to protest but she just went on as if she hadn't just said the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard.

"So what's your amazing story, then?"

"What?"

"I told you mine, now you tell me yours."

"What, are we in sixth grade? No way."

"Sara!" Catherine pouted at me.

I sighed and smiled, "What do you want to know?"

She grinned triumphantly, "Everything!"

I just shook my head, why was I now so suddenly powerless against this woman?

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**Okay, you know the drill. Review or Die!**


	4. Chapter 4

Myck's Nyx;

**A/N: Thanks for all the support! Here's part 4!**

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I suggested a refill on coffee. Catherine took her coffee black with two splenda. Sitting back down and sliding a cup her way I watched as Catherine pulled out her wallet.

"How much do I owe you?"

I just looked at her.

"For the coffee."

"Oh. No, Catherine, it's on me."

"What?" she protested, "No, that's ridiculous."

I reasoned, "How about you get the next one, okay?"

She flashed that triumphant smile again, "There's going to be 'a next one'?"

I ducked my head, "Sure, why not?"

She leaned back against the booth with her coffee, "Good." She blinked slowly at me and I felt a knot in my throat tighten, "Now, stop stalling and start talking."

I sighed and put down my coffee, "I never had much problem with being gay. It was just other people. I started kissing girls on the playground when I was four. I always knew. But my parents…now when I look back I think they probably suspected something. My father…he was always telling me how useless women were. I think the idea of two women surviving without the help of a man would have given him apoplexy. I once told him- I was really mad at the time, that I was never going to get married. I've never seen him so angry in my entire life."

I was trying to hide behind my coffee, but Catherine must have seen the shadow in my eyes. "I'm not trying to pressure you, we don't really have to talk about it if you don't want to."

I shook my head, "No, it's fine. It's just been a while since I've had to come up with the words..." I tried to figure out the best way to start up again, "Before I moved to Boston I was too afraid of getting caught. Not because I was ashamed- I just didn't know what would happen. If my father had caught me hooking up with a guy, dating, anything; he probably would have just laughed, said I was a dumb pair of tits doing what women do best." I couldn't help the bitter smile that crossed my lips and it didn't escape me that Catherine flinched visibly at the vulgar language. "But with a woman? I don't know. He might've killed me. The easiest way to avoid finding out was to just not doing anything; not be gay."

Catherine nodded her head, I could tell she was still listening, but she was staring out the window. I lost my train of thought as she twisted a strawberry lock between her fingers. The way the waning light of evening glowed through it…

"What?" I was startled by the touch of cool fingers on my arm.

Catherine's blue eyes looked mildly concerned, "I said, 'are you okay?' You just went off somewhere."

"Oh, yeah, sorry, I'm fine, just caught up, I guess."

She smiled at me and the smile was so warm and full that my heart skipped two beats. "What?" I asked her nervously. What had prompted her to smile so suddenly? I wiped my lips self-consciously, "Do I have foam on my mouth or something?"

She giggled, "Yeah, you do, actually," her arm stretched across the table and her hand cupped my chin as her thumb brushed playfully at the crook of my lips. I think I actually stopped breathing when she touched me, "but that's not why I was smiling." She brought her hand back down to cradle her coffee.

"Why, then?" God, her smile was infectious.

"You just had this goofy happy smile when you were staring off into space. It was unexpected, given the nature of what we were talking about. And it was really cute."

I blushed, but I chose to ignore the comment; I had no idea that the Catherine Willows outside CSI was so friendly and easygoing. Instead of responding, I went on with my story, "Then, when I got to Boston, everything was fine. It took me a little while to realize that I didn't need to be hiding. For the most part, Cambridge is a really accepting town. I was a serious student, but I did date and I had a couple of good relationships and everything seemed okay for a while. Then I had a series of bad relationships that knocked me off a bit." I paused to look up at Catherine. I was amazed at how easily this was all coming out even though I seemed to be spectacularly nervous around this woman. What the hell was going on?

"When I moved back to San Francisco, I relaxed a bit…a lot, actually. I had this really nasty break-up when I first arrived and to get over it a bunch of friends took me clubbing. I got really into the whole scene. Just the drinking, dancing, meaningless sex thing. It was a lot easier than having to deal with relationships. I became this total partier outside of work. My whole life had this pale green, trendy, Goth feel to it. It was the same when I moved here; only in Las Vegas the club scene is really hardcore. After a while I got a bit sick of losing control, it was a release and yet it wasn't, you know? It's really not me. At least I didn't think it should be. But as much as I used it to forget about my own life, I realized that after I became a CSI, I was also using it to forget about the sick crap I saw at work."

Catherine just nodded her understanding; some of what we saw at work was enough to haunt the heartiest of minds.

"So I started up again a little. Sage, the girl I went with on Saturday, she started me up again. We actually met during a handicapped stall rendezvous similar to the one you witnessed that night." I lifted my eyebrows expressively and Catherine smiled, had she also just blushed? "But as lovers, we had little chance of staying together. I was still on a rampage and Sage is a hopeless romantic, and young, too. Only twenty-six, I think she's still in that 'have it all,' 'love at first sight' dreamland place."

Catherine gave a half smile, "I was there for a long time. Until after Lindsey was born. I just clung to the idea that everything would just one day be magically okay."

"I was never there. Even as a little kid, I was always a logical thinker."

I was contemplating this statement when Catherine asked me a question, "Huh?"

The blue-eyed beauty across from me rolled her eyes, "Geez, Sara, am I so boring that you have to resort to staring at air to entertain yourself?"

"What?" I asked, startled, "No, you're not boring at all," I fumbled, "I just…"

Catherine threw back her head at the expression on my face, laughing, "Sara, I was joking."

"Oh." I finished off the rest of my coffee and looked at my watch. "Hey, we've got about an hour until work, you want to head in early?"

Catherine looked at her cell phone worriedly, "What? Oh, shit. Sara, I can't." She stood up suddenly and collected the coffee cups, "I don't know where the time went, I've got to run some clothes over to Nancy's, Lindsey forgot her bag on the way out this evening. I said I'd drop everything off before work! Crap."

"That's fine," We threw away our cups and started heading for the door together, our walking fast-paced, "I'll just see you at the lab, will you be able to make it on time? Should I tell Griss you'll be late?"

We stopped at her truck, "Only if I don't make it to assignments. Thanks Sara." She grabbed my hand briefly but tightly, "I'm glad we had a chance to clear the air." She smiled, "I had fun, I wish I didn't have to go."

I waved as she got in her car, "Don't worry about it, I'll see you at work."

As I walked to the Tahoe, I expected to hear the start up of her engine and the screech of her tires as she pulled out of the lot, but instead all I heard were the unhappy half-hearted revs of a dead battery. Half a minute later, I could hear Catherine yelling colorfully at the steering wheel. Smiling, I walked back to her.

"Car trouble?" I leaned against the window, trying not to laugh at an obviously very frustrated Catherine Willows.

"Don't give me that smug look, Sidle." Her tone was severe, but the smile on her face betrayed her feelings.

"Why don't I give you a ride to Nancy's?" I offered, "Then we can come here after shift and I'll jump it for you?"

"Oh, Sara, I don't want to make you do all that. It's such a fuss…"

I just gave her a look, "Catherine, what makes you think anyone can get me to do something that I don't want to do?"

She smiled but she still hesitated.

"Come on," I said, ignoring her expression and walking around the back of the truck, "Let's get your stuff loaded into my car."

Almost reluctantly, Catherine transferred her gear to the Tahoe and climbed into the passenger seat.

"Which way to Nancy's?" I asked as we pulled out of the parking lot.

Catherine gave directions and we were quiet for a few minutes before she said, "You said that when you met Sage that you were on a rampage." We both smiled a little at the unintentional rhyme. "Can I ask why?"

I nodded but continued to look ahead, "I've always had a lot of issues around trusting people. My childhood was…not the most happy one," I couldn't believe I was telling her this, "and when I finally got away from all of that, it was really hard for me to get along with people that I thought had 'normal' lives. Then when I finally did open up to a few people, I was just shut down." I stopped at a red light, "As you know, I'm not very easy to get along with or relate to. It's easier not to deal with me."

"You are easy to talk to," Catherine protested, "We've been talking amiably for two hours. You're a good listener, you're supportive, and you talk back. As far as I'm concerned, this is the best conversation I've had in months."

I smiled but I had to argue, "Catherine, you and I both know that I'm not usually this forthright. I'm never this open with people, hell, I'm never half this open with people!"

Catherine made a questioning face, "Yeah, that's true. Why are you being so…un-Sara-ish?"

"Honestly? I have no idea." I was as in the dark as to my behavior as Catherine was. Well, I had an idea, but it was barely formed and I certainly wasn't about to discuss it with the gorgeous woman sitting in my car. "Maybe because you trusted me so much. I don't trust people, and not many people bother to trust me. That's why I was on a rampage. Sex with strangers and imagined relationships are a lot easier to get over."

I turned left as per Catherine's instructions and we entered a quiet residential neighborhood. The street lamps were just lighting up.

"Are you still?"

"Am I still what?"

"On a rampage? Are you still on a quest to fuck every lesbian in Las Vegas?"

There was a bit of an edge to her voice, but sticking to my plan to not fight with her anymore, I took a minute to calm down before I spoke again, "That was a little harsh, Catherine. I thought we were trying to be friends now."

Catherine shut her eyes in an apologetic way, "Sorry, I didn't mean it to sound the way it did. I'm not judging you at all. I'm just finding my new image of Sara Sidle to be…conflicting."

I didn't know what to make of her apology so I just shrugged, "It's fine. In answer to your question, I don't know. I'm not as adamant as I used to be, that's for sure. But a serious relationship hasn't presented itself as of yet. I don't think I'll be able to tell until it does."

She nodded and looked out the window, after a few moments she said, "Take the next right and then there's a really sharp left, it's the second house on the right, the one with the swing on the porch." She pressed a few numbers on her phone and held it to her ear, after a minute she said, "Nance, I'm right around the corner. Yeah, okay, I'll be there in a sec. 'kay, bye." She sighed and said, "Thanks for driving me, Sara, I promise it will only be a minute."

I looked at the clock, it had only taken us about ten minutes to get there, "It's fine, we've got plenty of time, Cath. From the way you acted I thought it was a half hour drive or something."

As I pulled up outside the house, a lanky blonde flash jumped off the porch and ran for the car. It had been a while since I had seen Lindsey; she looked like she had grown a foot. Catherine pushed the car door open just in time for her daughter to leap into her arms.

"Mom!" the girl threw herself on top of Catherine.

"Ooof!" Catherine fought for air but she still managed to wrap Lindsey tight in her arms, "Hey, sweetie! Good to see you too!"

"Mom," Lindsey sat up in her mother's lap, "I was so worried that you wouldn't get here! I really need my green shirt for school tomorrow; the whole soccer team is wearing them. I would look like such a dork without mine."

"Oh I see," Catherine laughed, "So this hug isn't really for me, it's for your shirt. That's nice."

"Mom!" Lindsey rolled her eyes.

Catherine tickled her sides and she cackled.

I watched the interaction with a smile on my face; no matter what Catherine said, she was a wonderful mother.

A medium height woman with sandy hair and brown eyes made her way to the window, her hands in her pockets. She didn't look a thing like Catherine, but I knew immediately that this had to be Nancy. The way her eyes went from soft when she looked at Lindsey to calculating when she saw me; that was exactly the way Catherine looked on a case.

I was a bit thrown off by her less then friendly gaze until Catherine noticed it and hit her sister on the arm, "Nancy, stop protecting me, this is-"

"Sara!" Lindsey finally noticed me and catapulted off her mother and into me.

"Ah! Oh! Hey there, kiddo." The sudden presence of a little girl in my arms took me by complete surprise. I always think I'm going to be bad with kids, but around Lindsey I was instantly relaxed.

"Yeah," laughed Catherine in agreement, "This is _Sara_, my _coworker_, I had some car trouble and she offered to give me a ride." The way she emphasized the word 'coworker' made me realize that Nancy had thought I was some new amusement of Catherine's, someone she needed to protect her sister and niece against.

As soon as she heard the explanation, however she relaxed and smiled, "Oh, Sara! Well, it's nice to finally meet you."

Lindsey wrapped her arms around my neck and bounced on my bladder. Ah, cutie. "Mom, can Sara stay for a little while?"

"Uh…" Catherine looked at her watch and then at me, "Do we have a few minutes?"

We had about a half hour and Catherine knew that, this was just her way of asking if I was okay with it. I was more than okay with any way I got to see more of Catherine and her life. "Yeah, absolutely!"

"Hooray!" Lindsey kissed my cheek and threw her arms around me again.

"But only a couple of minutes!" Catherine warned.

"Okay!"

I struggled to open the door, "We've gotta get out of the car, kiddo."

Lindsey giggled into my nose, her hands on my face, "Carry me!"

"Carry you?"

"No, Lindsey. Come on now, you're almost eleven years old," protested Catherine, "You know you're too big!"

"I have an idea," I interjected. Twisting out of the car and putting Lindsey on the seat, I said, "How about piggy back?"

"Yes!" Lindsey enthused. She immediately leapt onto my back and swung her arms around my neck like a tree trunk.

"Hey, you monkey!" I laughed at her as I adjusted her weight. I used her foot to shut the door.

Catherine said, "Oh, Sara, put her down, she's too heavy." But she was smiling.

"Too heavy? Catherine, I bench about 150, this kid is like what? Seventy-five?"

"Seventy-seven!" supplied Lindsey as we walked around the car to join her mother and her aunt.

"There, you see? So I can carry her around until she's twenty five years old- at least."

Lindsey giggled at that and Catherine smiled. I realized that I was rapidly learning to live from one of her warm smiles to the next. Every time one came my way, it was like my life hadn't been complete until that moment.

"Just be careful." Catherine succumbed to her adorable daughter's pout and my grin. I spun around in a circle and Lindsey yelled, "Weee!"

Even though my arms were full with Lindsey, Nancy held out a hand for me to shake, "It's nice to finally meet you."

I managed to shift the little girl's weight and take the woman's hand, "You, too." I looked over my shoulder at Lindsey, "Okay, monkey, where to?"

"Wanna see the pool?"

"No way," I exclaimed with way too much enthusiasm, "There's a pool?"

Lindsey never noticed, she just ate it up, "Uh-huh! Around back, go this way." She steered me with her feet.

Twenty minutes, a glass of pink lemonade, and a bear hug later, Catherine and I were on our way back to work. Catherine jumped in the passenger seat, yelling out the window for Lindsey to finish her homework. She turned to me smiling as she buckled her seat belt, "You're amazing with her."

I laughed, "I don't know why, kids usually hate me."

"You always say that, but I've seen you with Lindsey and the kids of some of the PD, and I've seen you with victims' kids. I don't know where you get that logic, but you're really good with kids. You should have some."

I snorted, "Maybe I'm okay with older kids, but babies scare the hell out of me. And I would be a horrible mother." We turned out of the residential district and onto a main road.

Catherine shook her head, "Babies are different when they're your own. Do you really think you'd make a bad mother?" She looked at me seriously.

I sighed, "I don't know. I always swore that I'd never have kids. I didn't want to risk fucking them up. I was always afraid that if I ended up even a little bit like one of my parents that I would regret bringing a child into this world. But now…I'm not sure. If I could be promised one as great as Lindsey, maybe I'd do it."

"Ha! This was one of her good days, she can be a real terror a lot of the time."

"No." I insisted, "She's a great kid. But that's probably to do with her mother being so great." I saw the blushing smile on Catherine's cheeks out of the corner of my eye, "My kids would end up becoming shoplifters or Nintendo junkies."

"I still say you underestimate yourself. I think you would be a wonderful mother. You would love your kids so much. And I'd be there to help with babies. They really aren't so bad."

Wait, wait, wait. Back up a sec. "You'd help take care of my hypothetical babies?" I gave her a look of disbelief.

"Of course."

I shook my head, "Boy, a day in my life. You go from someone who totally hates me to offering to give me parenting advice and inviting me in for lemonade."

"Well, a) Lindsey invited you for lemonade, and b) Sara, I've never hated you."

I raised my eyebrows.

"Okay, so sometimes I wasn't very happy with you and at the beginning maybe I was a little jealous of your sway with Gil, but I've never hated you. I always thought that you were the one that hated me."

"What? No! Catherine, I didn't hate you."

It was her turn to raise her eyebrows at me.

"No," I shook my head, "It's just…I sensed right away that you didn't like me, and, going along with my not trusting people thing, it was just a lot easier to be rude to you and not have to risk getting to know you better and getting hurt." As I finished my sentence, I pulled into the parking lot. We still had ten minutes to spare.

As I put the car into gear, neither of us made to get out. We just sat there. After we got out of the car our afternoon, our weekend, would be over. Things would change the moment we walked into that building. Would everything just go back to the way it was? I didn't know.

"So…" Catherine began.

"What now?"

"I was just going to ask you."

"Well…we've both agreed to keep quiet."

"Yep." There was a long pause, "Do you want to maybe…"

"Call a truce?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely." I was never more certain of anything in my life. I knew that I never wanted to fight with Catherine ever again. "You?"

"Definitely."

"Great."

We never even looked at each other.

"So, no more fighting?"

"Nope."

"Weird."

"Yeah."

"I guess we should go in…"

"Yeah. Uh…head with me to the locker room? I need to change." I asked before I realized that I had just condemned myself to undressing in front of Catherine."

"Sure."

We got out of the car slowly, why did it seem so hard?

In the locker room I headed toward my extra stash of clothes. I figured that the shirt I was wearing was very impractical. Catherine sat on the bench and I turned away to unbutton my top.

"So what were you and Lindsey talking about? When I was in the kitchen with Nance?"

"Umm...hamsters at first. I think I talked her out of getting one."

"Thank God."

"Yeah, now she wants a cat."

"Sara!"

I laughed as I pulled the blouse off my shoulders. I ignored the Goosebumps that usually told me I was being watched. "Then we talked about math homework, I guess she's having some trouble with fractions. Anyway, I offered to help her sometime."

"Oh." There was a weird tone in Catherine's voice so I turned around in my sports bra.

"What?" Catherine looked at me with wide eyes.

"Nothing, umm…I just didn't realize that you had a tattoo."

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I have four actually…"

"And a bellybutton ring?"

I followed Catherine's eyes to the curved barbell through the top of my navel. "Uhh…yeah, I'm supposed to take that out for work." I blushed slightly. I had actually forgotten that these would be new sights for her. "I've got four tattoos and three piercings. What can I say? I spent my twenties in San Francisco."

Once she recovered, Catherine was Miss Curiosity. I began to think that having her here was a bad idea…this could get awkward pretty fast.

"Three piercings? So, belly and ears?"

"No," I started to put my hair back, my arms above my head unintentionally thrusting my chest forward, "I never got my ears, though I've been thinking about it. Actually I have my tongue and my-"

"Nipple." Catherine was about six shades of pink, but that didn't keep her from staring at my chest.

I hadn't realized that you could see the imprint of the ring through my sports bra when I stretched the way I was. My cheeks got hot and I thought that Catherine and I must be about the same color. "Yeah."

I quickly turned around and reached into my locker to grab a black tank top. "What about you, you don't have any tattoos or anything?" Let's get off the topic of my nipple ring- yes, that's a very good idea.

There was a smile in Catherine's voice when she said, "I didn't say that. I have two, and I used to have a navel ring too, but I let it fill in. It's not conducive to having a three year-old who keeps tugging on your shirt front to get your attention."

I flinched at the idea.

"Hey, how could I have never noticed that you have a tongue ring?"

I shrugged as I re-donned my leather jacket and turned to head out, "I'm not allowed to wear it at work. I had it on last Saturday though. It's kind of a pinky red, so I don't think people notice it right away."

"Well, now that we're friends I fully expect to see it someday. And the rest of those tattoos." We were walking toward the break room.

"Umm, yeah, that's not going to be happening. I'd have to be pretty scantily clad for anyone to be able to see a couple of them." Try naked.

"You told Lindsey that you love to swim," said Catherine, clearly not giving up, "So come for a dip some day after math homework is done. Or are you a one piece kind of girl?" Catherine smirked.

"No, I wear bikinis, but Catherine? A bikini wouldn't show all of my tattoos."

Catherine stopped short at the door to the break room and I just slipped past her, noticing the wide-eyed expression on her face and smiling to myself.

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**Well, there's part 4. Hope you liked it. Reviewing is always nice (or you know, mandatory : )**


	5. Chapter 5

Myck's Nyx;

**A/N: Here's part 5, guys. Thank you so much for all the fabulous reviews!**

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After assignments, I headed out with Nick to check out a DB at the Mirage and Catherine went with Warrick to check out suspicious circs in the desert. The crime scene was a mess. It took us more than half the shift just to tag everything, there was so much to do that we let the uniforms take care of interviews completely. It was three in the morning by the time we got back to the lab.

Nick went to run a few prints we got through CODIS and I decided to take possible DNA up to Greg's lab. When I arrived, Catherine was leaning over a microscope. She had changed out of her clothes from earlier and into black slacks and a tight fitting green tank top. I groaned inwardly that I hadn't been there to search out her tattoos. Her hair looked like it had been towel-dried not too long ago. She seemed fully recovered from her shock earlier that evening; looking into that microscope, she was all business. With a confidence that came from nowhere, I thought deviously; well, I can change that.

When she looked up, I smiled, "You changed your clothes."

She cast a glance downward and nodded, "Sandstorm in the desert, you should have seen Warrick chasing after all of the evidence bags- I almost peed, it was so funny." she chuckled, "But the sand was everywhere; I had to shower. I would have had sand in my bra for eternity."

I walked toward her and Greg and casually put my arm around her to rest my hand on her hip, my fingers dipping into her back pocket, "Fun!" I laughed, "Who doesn't love itch and grit down their shirt?"

"Uh…oh yeah, that's right; me!" Catherine laughed too, and put a hand on my arm to balance herself. "Totally destroyed the crime scene, though. Luckily, we were just about done."

"Oh." I made a pouty face, "poor baby." I was amazed at how easy we were conversing. I used the opportunity to snake my arms around her waist. She looked up and around at me with those blue eyes.

To fix the sudden silence, I scratched her sides playfully and she collapsed backwards into me, laughing hysterically, "Ah! Sara! Stop! Ha! Don't! That tickles…" She surrendered to hopeless laughter.

When I finally let her up, she was breathing heavily. So was I. We both leaned against the counter, smiling quietly. Greg, who had been watching the entire exchange, I realized, had his jaw on the table, looking utterly taken aback.

Jokingly, he checked his watch, "Okay, guys, April Fools was almost two weeks ago; what gives? You're not killing each other; you're actually acting… friendly. It's totally weird."

I just shrugged and Catherine smiled, "My girl Sara, here, and I have decided to call a truce."

I grinned stupidly at the way she called me 'her girl' and took her hand when she offered it.

Greg just looked at us incredulously, "Uhh…why?"

"Why not? Come on, Greg, you can't honestly say you liked our fights?"

Catherine seemed to have an answer for everything, which was good because I didn't think that I could explain without the words 'wonderful woman' and 'amazingly gorgeous,' falling out of my mouth.

"Of course not, one of your catfights makes the whole office tense for a week! I just don't get what brought about this miracle."

I decided to change the subject by handing over the evidence I had set down on the table earlier, "Here, Greggo, run these for epithelials, I think our killer was a spitter."

Catherine pulled a face and made to go, "Well, I've got paperwork. Thanks for those results, Greg."

I turned to catch up with her as she disappeared out the door, "Thanks, Greg!"

I heard him yell a "No problem," as I hurried down the hall.

"Catherine, hang on a sec!" I slowed down as she stopped in front of the break room ahead of me. "Uh…" It was at this point that I realized that I didn't have anything to say. "Umm…" Think. Thinkthinkthink.

She grinned at me, leaning provocatively in the doorway, "You wanted something, Miss Eloquence?" I blushed.

She pulled at the hem of my tank top playfully. Was she flirting? What was going on? Whatever it was, this new energy between us was not doing a hell of a lot for my concentration. What had I been saying? Oh, yeah, nothing!

"Yeah…I was going to say that we still have to jump your truck after shift."

"Oh, yeah?" she stood up from her position against the wall, her fingers still grazing my abdomen.

"Well," she continued to get closer to me until I could feel her breath on my neck as she spoke, "when do you suggest we do that?"

My breath caught in my throat, my heart quickened in my chest; I could feel my body begin to lose control and a steady heat began working its way up from my lower stomach- my _lower,_ lower stomach. But this wasn't like with the girls I brought home after nights at clubs, it wasn't even like the relaxed 'no pressure' relationships I had had in college. A part of me was afraid. Even as I felt her hand on my shoulder, further closing the gap between us, I panicked.

I tensed, she felt it and paused, "What are you doing?" As soon as the question escaped my lips, I knew it was the wrong thing to say.

Her body immediately went rigid, her hand slipped off my shoulder, and she turned, "Nothing," she muttered. She walked down the hall towards her office.

I thought about running after her, I even yelled out a weak, "Catherine, wait!" But she didn't turn around; she just shook her head and kept walking. I hit the back of my head against the wall in frustration with myself. I had to figure out what had just happened and how I felt about it before I went to find her again. Getting overly emotional was what got us fighting every time.

I sighed and headed up towards my favorite lab to go over notes on the scene, maybe while I was there I could contemplate the confusion that had suddenly become my life. But no such luck. Half an hour after I sat down, as I was just really getting into the case and had managed to push Catherine from my mind for the first time in days, my pager went off and I had to go down to meet Nick at the print lab.

We were in there for almost two hours; there were about thirty separate identifiable sets of prints. By the time we were done we had eliminated all but six as having not been at the scene for days before the murder. When we left the lab there were less than two hours left before the end of shift. I needed to find Catherine. I had no idea what I was going to say when I found her but I knew I couldn't leave without talking to her. Besides, her truck was still sitting in a parking lot half a mile away.

She wasn't in her office or the break room, I checked with Greg and Archie but neither of them had seen her. Finally I ran into Warrick who said that she was on her way back from a case and she would be in her office in ten minutes. Just enough time to duck into the locker room to run cold water over my face and clear my head.

"Hey, Sara, is it true that you and Catherine are friends, now?"

I threw up my hands. "Ask me again in half an hour."

Warrick laughed, though I didn't think it was that funny, "Gotcha."

In the locker room I stared at myself in the mirror for several long minutes, reflecting. What was I going to say? Had she been trying to kiss me? Her behavior had indicated as much, but I had a hard time believing it. I mean, why on earth should she be attracted to me? And what if she had been trying to kiss me? Why had I pulled away? I mean, I did want to kiss her, right? My entire brain shouted _YES!_ at me. Of course I wanted to kiss her. She was smart, she was sweet; she was beautiful. So, why had I pulled away?

I had no freaking clue. I walked to her office with long, deliberate strides, appearing much more confident than I felt. I stopped short at her office door and knocked quietly, though the door was open.

Catherine had her chair facing the opposite direction, "Come in!" she said pleasantly.

Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad. She turned, attentively studying a file with her reading glasses at the end of her nose. She was so cute, but I didn't dare smile. When she looked up and saw it was me, her expression completely changed. She didn't look angry exactly, just…guarded.

"Hey." I crossed my legs in one of the chairs opposite her desk.

"Take a seat," she said sarcastically, removing her glasses.

I was silent.

"What do you want, Sara?" Her tone was both defensive and nervous.

I worked hard to keep my voice from reflecting her hostility, "Take it easy, I just wanted to talk."

She looked down at her paperwork to distract herself, "About what?"

"You." I said studying her expression, " And me. What happened earlier."

She looked at me hard. "What happened earlier?"

I chewed my lip, "I was hoping you would tell me."

She sighed and shook her head, "Nothing." The hard look returned, "As far as I'm concerned, nothing happened."

"Oh. Right. Fine." Well that solved that problem, but something was still itching the back of my mind, "Are you sure?" I insisted.

"Yes, Sara, I'm sure!" Catherine stood up and threw her arms out to her sides, her voice steadily getting louder. "Was there anything else you wanted or may I continue with my work?"

My temper slipped, "Go ahead, Catherine," I yelled, standing up now, "Go right on and finish your precious paperwork!" I took a threatening stepped around her desk, "I just thought that we'd actually try and make our so-called "truce" last more than ten hours." I took another step towards her, "But obviously this," I gestured to her and then to me, "isn't as important to you as I thought!" I looked at her and I knew that I couldn't keep the disappointment from my eyes, "But if that's the way you want it Catherine, then fine." I threw up my hands in surrender, "I'll get off your case." I turned to go, my heart heavy.

I felt it swell again, though, when her hand caught my fingers, "Sara, wait."

I turned to look at her and was surprised by the number of feelings reflected in her eyes; she was sad and angry, apologetic, scared, and at the same time hopeful. I recognized the look in her eyes because it was the same one that I knew was in mine.

"Yes?" I blinked slowly at her, trying to give her confidence.

"I'm sorry, I- I really do want to be friends. I really don't want us to fight." She pulled my hand more resolutely into her own, "It's just…since Saturday, my whole vision of you has changed and I don't know exactly what to do with that. I guess I just got a little carried away."

"When?"

"Just now."

"And earlier?"

"Uhh…then too, I guess, yeah."

"Really?"

Her eyes moved to look into mine at the sound of my voice; had my disappointment been so evident? Her blue eyes studied my brown ones carefully, "I…" she looked back down to the floor, and dropped our hands "I don't know."

The pink in her cheeks gave me courage, enough for me to take two steps forward and cup my fingers under her chin, forcing her to look at me. "You don't?"

I hadn't expected to see her eyes filled with tears. "No, I do, I just…I'm not sure…are you?" she asked, suddenly focusing on my expression.

I hoped that my eyes could convey the need I was feeling and still show my sincerity. I nodded my head, but I was no longer looking at her eyes. My gaze was entirely focused on her lips. I shifted my hand from under her chin to cradle her cheek, my feet moved of their own accord, bringing us closer together. I brought up my other hand to cradle her whole face and when she still didn't resist, I brought my lips softly to hers.

For three marvelous seconds, I felt the sensation of Catherine Willows' lips.

But then she pulled back, "Uhh…" Catherine blushed and bit her lip. "We should stop."

I felt my heart plummet, "Oh yeah, right."

I dropped my gaze and willed the heat behind my eyes to dissipate.

"No, Sara…" I felt Catherine brush her hand on my arm before walking across the room. Fear filled my chest- had I just ruined everything? "Sara, I just meant…the door was open…" And with that she shut the door, locked it and leaned against it, smiling coyly. My heart leapt in my chest.

She bent a finger at me and this time there was no hesitation. I strode across the floor and immediately had her in my arms. I lifted her up several inches off the ground, pinning her to the door with my torso. She laughed at my adamancy and I reveled in the sound. I reveled in the moment; her fingertips tickling the back of my neck, her ribcage expanding and contracting under my touch, and best of all, her lips. Soft, so soft. And we were kissing.

I don't know how long we stood like that; her hands in my hair, my hands…well, anywhere I thought she'd let me put them. Despite the tenderness and luxury of the moment, it hadn't been at all slow and sensual. It was more like the fast-paced make-out sessions of high school, college, and bathrooms at clubs. Only better. Much better. There wasn't the awkwardness of inexperience or anonymity. No. I knew Catherine, and when I kissed her, I could _feel_ that she knew me. Does that sound crazy? Maybe it does.

After some length of time, Catherine pulled back and rested her head on my shoulder. I pulled my arms around her shoulders, feeling a new sort of confidence as I stood there. We were both breathing heavily.

"Well…" she gasped, her fingers tightening on the fabric of my shirt, "That was…educational."

"Educational?" I would have said fantastic, amazing, or quite possibly life altering. Educational was nowhere on my list.

I guess she sensed the edge in my tone because she looked up at me and smiled, "Yeah. Educational."

She moved a hand from my waist and brought it to run over my lips. I was tempted to move away, but at the same time, it was _her _touch and I never wanted it to end.

"For instance, I've learned that you are a phenomenal kisser." She grinned a feral grin, "And I've learned that you can be very aggressive when you want to be."

I raised an eyebrow to which she twisted in my arms and lifted her shirt a few inches. Oops. On either side of her lower back were four very apparent crescent-shaped marks. My fingernails. In a couple spots the skin even looked broken. When had I done that? "Oh, my god, Catherine, I am so-"

She cut me off with another finger to my lips and shook her head. "It's okay," she whispered throatily, looking up at me darkly, "I liked it." She bit her lip and I just about died.

Oh God. There had been rumors, of course. Everyone knew them. But I'd just figured…Oh God. I was speechless.

When she saw that I was not responding she shook her head and brought her arms around me once more, "Never mind." She rested her head on my chest, "I also discovered that I've wanted to be in your arms for awhile, now."

Now that, I could deal with. When I looked down again, all that looked back at me was sweet, strong Catherine. I smiled at her, and touched her cheek, "Yeah, me too."

"Since before this weekend?"

I nodded, "I just hadn't realized it, I don't think." I gently stroked her face. "But ever since Saturday night; I can't stop thinking about you."

"Me neither." She leaned into my touch and closed her eyes, "So, what should we do?"

Like I know.

"I don't think I can be friends."

I frowned at her. "Why not?"

"Knowing that you can kiss like that? 'Friends' isn't really part of the equation anymore."

I hid my blush by asking a question, or at least, building an argument, "But, you said you didn't know if you could handle a relationship with a woman."

"And you said you weren't sure if you were ready for anything more than a one night stand," she countered.

Valid point. "I'm not sure." I said. I could see the disappointment in her eyes, so I pulled her closer, "The idea of letting someone close scares the shit out of me. But I know I couldn't have just a one-night stand with you- I wouldn't want one. For you, I want to try."

That seemed to make her happier. She nodded and breathed deeply. "Same here. I haven't made a serious attempt at a relationship since Eddie. And truthfully, the fact that you're a woman sort of…intimidates me. I've done the friend thing and I've done the sex thing. I've never done the girlfriend thing."

"If it's any consolation, I've never done the girlfriend thing well." That's certainly true enough. With the amount of failed relationships I've had, I'm surprised the Guinness World Record people haven't contacted me.

Catherine smiled weakly at me, "I honestly don't know if I can do it. But I do like you a lot, and God knows you've been driving me insane the past couple of days. And that tells me that I'd be crazy not to give this a shot."

I thought for a moment. The idea of being with Catherine was, admittedly, overwhelming. But at this moment, the thought of being without her was unbearable. I hadn't been lying when I said I was unsure if I could be in a relationship. With the mess-ups and break-ups I'd been through, I had no real reason to think that this would end any differently. But, the masochistic part of my brain was arguing, there was no evidence to say that it wouldn't.

Gazing down into her wide blue eyes, I could see that she was just as scared, and just as hopeful.

Softly, swiftly, I kissed her. "Okay. Let's do it. Let's give this a shot."

She beamed at me and my heart became a puddle on the floor, "Really?"

"No, I was just kidding. Thought that would be really funny." I grinned at her.

She hit me on the arm, "So mean to me! Alright, smartass, what's the plan of action for while we're at work?"

"Plan of action? You make it sound like we're going to need to call in S.W.A.T and a hostage negotiator."

Catherine smiled but otherwise ignored me, "Why don't we let them figure it out for themselves?"

I glanced at my watch, "What do you say we discuss it over breakfast?"

"You buying?" She grinned.

I smiled back, "That is generally how it works."

"Oh, good."

We stood there looking at each other for long moments. God, she was beautiful. And the light I could see in her eyes was one I hadn't seen before. But instinctively, I knew it was a light she had saved just for me. I had made her smile like that. I wanted to remember that smile forever. Eventually, though, it just looked stupid for us to be standing there so long, even if nobody else was watching.

"You need anything before we go?" I asked.

"Yeah." Catherine stepped forward and pressed her lips to mine. This kiss wasn't as long, nor as heated as the one we had shared a few minutes before. But it spoke volumes in my book.

When she pulled back, I smiled, "Is that what you needed?"

"No," she whispered against my cheek, "I need to lock up the case files on my desk and get my jacket from the locker room. I just really wanted to do that again."

"I'm here anytime you feel the need." I joked.

She smiled and kissed my cheek. "Meet you outside in ten?"

I nodded, touched her arm and left her office.

Walking down the hall, the world felt oddly muted. The thoughts in my own head were far louder than any natural sound. To think, three days ago, I was so lost, so angry, and so alone. And now…now I had a gorgeous, smart, funny woman who was clearly way out of my league, but who seemed to generally care about me and was interested in being in a relationship with me.

As I headed out into the morning sun, everything seemed ultra clear. I couldn't ever remember hearing birds sing in Vegas before, but I heard them today. Was it because they hadn't sung until just now? Or had I been so lost in my personal cloud that I just hadn't noticed? Watching a smiling redhead come out to join me in the rising heat, I couldn't help but smile back. I knew the answer to that. Only one question remained. Where do we go from here?

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**Alright. Review please! There won't be another update on this until I've finished Journey of a Lifetime, but that shouldn't be too long. Thank you guys so much for sticking with me.**


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